iNew

Over the last few weeks my old iPhone 3G has started crashing, especially when asked to do something more taxing than show a text or call up a map. And over the last few days it's been doing it more and more often. On Saturday I tried to video something on my TV - spasms in the digital signal were autotuning an infomercial for Roombas in a way that was singularly hilarious - but each time I tried, it crashed not just the program but the entire operating system. After checking that it was indeed running the latest software, and getting a second opinion that it was probably a hardware issue, and fearing the prospect of having to function without Whatsapp and Shazam for more than half an hour, I bit the bullet and bought a new iPhone 5.


I'd like to tell you about how awesome my new iPhone is, but to be honest I have no idea because it's still in the box at home. That's because iPhone 5 uses a nanoSIM, and the iPhone 3G uses a normal SIM. The Apple store offers to swap SIMs for customers free of charge... but only for customers on the big telcos like Telstra, Optus and Vodafone. So until my service provider mails me out a new nanoSIM (in the post, which feels a little like getting a software update by carrier pigeon), my iPhone 5 is basically a phenomenally expensive and cranky iPod, one which only performs basic functions and constantly bewails the fact that it doesn't have a SIM.


Ironically, ever since I bought the iPhone 5 on Sunday, the iPhone 3G has been running perfectly. It even shoots flawless video. It's like a slovenly spouse who suddenly cleans up his or her act when you say you want a divorce.


Too late, bitch. I've moved on.